Mundane Breakthroughs: Bibi’s Story

Posted on June 4, 2010. Filed under: Telling our own Stories |


Since this is my first post contributing to the Sacred Space blog, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Bibi (Khalsa) Estlund, and I’m Jagatguru Singh’s eldest daughter. One area that we would like to showcase here on the sacred space blog is the process of spirituality. One way to do that is to tell stories of meditative experiences. I would like to invite all readers to submit their own stories…but while we’re waiting on those, my own story will have to do.

I, of course, have been learning from my father since birth, but my journey into the realm of meditation did not begin until I was eleven years old.  Sant Guru Dev Singh had been to visit our home in Kansas City, and taught some courses on the healing art of Sat Nam Rasayan. Papa was going through quite a transformation, and I felt he was becoming insufferable to live with.

Papa had always been a sort of macho man. He liked to work with his hands, as I’m sure would be the case with anyone who was both a massage therapist and a handyman around the house, and he’s always been a bit of a perfectionist. But once he started studying under Sant Guru Dev, things changed. He was now practicing yoga and meditation for what seemed like half the day. He couldn’t get enough of a particular tape that was nothing but rhythmic chanting.

I remember thinking that there couldn’t possibly be anything more boring than living in a place with so much emphasis on sitting with your eyes closed and being still. Every time I tried to do meditations (which is what we called sitting in a yogic posture and using a chant) I became acutely aware of how itchy my clothing was. I was an absolute master at secretly looking at the clock and checking how much time was left.

Rebelliousness is absolutely a part of my personality. I can’t stand to be told what to do (as evidenced by the state of my bedroom during my teenage years), and so I didn’t come around easily to my father telling me that meditation was something that I needed to learn. I decided that I was going to have nothing to do with it. And of course no one could make me…what surprised me though was that no one tried.

I of course knew when Sat Nam Rasayan and meditation practices were held at Papa’s office, and one day, of my own accord, I walked the block and a half to his office and arrived right on time. All of us students sat in a circle around one person who was lying down to be healed. Papa led us. First we became aware of the gravity that was pulling on all parts of ourselves and that we were simultaneously ignoring. That simple act of awareness awoke something within me. I immediately recognized the stillness in myself which for me feels like a calming, low vibration of electrical current. The pleasantness of that moment was astounding. This of course set off fireworks of thoughts ranging from the profound to the minuscule.

Papa and I locked eyes afterward. He knew that I had gotten a glimpse of the stillness. I remember that day vividly, as if it was the most important part of the process to getting there. On the other hand, I can’t remember much about the days that I was feeling grumbly and sour. Yet, I know that they were no less important to the process of learning to meditate. On this road, I’m learning that there are countless steps that we take, and some of them seem significant and others don’t. The one that I’ve just recounted seems of large significance…and then I remember about how I used to ignore gravity. It reminds me that breakthroughs come from the mundane, and that it’s all a part of the cycle.



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